31
Jul

No LifeGuard Necessary

To me, some music is like a cheesy 1950s sci-fi movie time-machine; clumsily hurling you back in time to a period of your life directly associated with it.  Abandoned Pools does this to me every time, it’s dull-grey compartment full of prop smoke and cardboard buttons somehow returning me to my second year of college.  I’m there now, watching the genius Clone High for the first time and listening to Humanistic… and I still really enjoy it.  You’ve probably already heard some of it and not even known it.

Wait… if this machine is nostalgia-powered… how do I travel back forward to my own time?… Well crap.

Abandoned Pools - Humanistic AlbumAbandoned Pools - Humanistic - 04_Monster.wma - Fluorescein(acoustic).mp3

30
Jul

Hey, lets see you make better puns

You know how I said I was going to make a few short, meaningless, useless posts for no reason other than to entertain myself with random musical references?  Oh… you don’t?  Well, then to catch you up… read the first sentence again… but this time really think about it.  (Just don’t strain yourself.)

This one, I’m calling “T-Bone Thugs N’ Harmony” or “T-Bone Walker: Texas Ranger” or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Blues.

29
Jul

Vampires and Saboteurs! Oh my!

why is this picture here again? who are these guys?

My memory is terrible.  I try hard to bring all (3) of you incredibly loyal readers new content and music; I just forget.  I’ve tried everything.  I tie strings on my fingers, only to wake up thinking “Man… what tiny creatures are trying to bind my hands while I sleep? These bed bugs are getting intense.”  I find reminder notes written to me from someone I must have told about it… but I can’t trust any creepster that writes notes to me in my own handwriting style!  That’s just eerie.  Sometimes my mother even helps remind me at breakfast, to which I promptly reply “Who are you?”

What was I talking about again?  Oh yes, content.  Anyway, I’ve decided the smarter approach for these posts would be to have a dedicated weekly post that talks about a couple bands in brief, as opposed to individual ones whenever I get around to it.  I haven’t decided on an official day yet, but I will.  In addition, I’m not limiting myself - more newslike items or brief mentions or youtube clips that I can post quickly I probably will.  more…

16
Jul

Pedro Tunez lays down the beat

photo taken by a known child molester

Pedro had an extra nose: a nose for trouble.  A 5-and-a-halfth sense, if you will.  After 28 years on the force, it came as naturally to him as breathing… possibly even more so.  In these years, his breath had become as labored as his morale, as if his aging wheeze was meant to coincide with his growing discontent.  Thus it was with a heavy sigh that Pedro turned the corner - deep in the Derelict district - in his final round - in the dead of the night - and into the sweet, putrid scent of something sinister brewing.

Pedro spotted him immediately.  Maybe it was the hairy, unkept appearance.  Maybe it was the line of hobos and hooligans that had formed against the side of the building to speak to him.  Maybe it was the cardboard sign he held, reading “I HAVE DRUGS.”  Whatever it was, something about him was suspicious.  As Pedro exited the squad car, he met the beady eyes of his target, perfectly coinsiding with the suspect’s exclamation of “Oh, donkey shit!”. He immediately knew the kid with the devil’s haircut had something to say… something Pedro was going to find out sooner rather than later.  There was no way Pedro was missing his auto-taped copy of the Project Runway premiere before bed tonight: it was the only thing he had left to look forward to. more…

24
Jun

Talkin’ Girly

Girl Talk auditions for \

Gather ’round the water cooler, ladies and lady-lovers, cuz the juice is flowin’.  For those of you still unintroduced, Girl Talk is the stage name for DJ Greg Gillis, sample-based mixmaster extraordinaire.

Girl Talk is known for his illegal and hipsway-inducing mashups of everything under the sun.  If music was a cafeteria line, then inevitably Girl Talk would be that one weird dude that sits next to you, stirring all his foods together into one moving concoction and claiming that it’s better this way.  The surprising part is that Girl Talk is more a fine chef than a prankster - and the music pop culture ridden dishes he serves are often a delicious treat to the senses. more…

24
Jun

Behold! The first coming (and going)

Welcome, random misguided music fan!  You’ve come to the right place.  First, a brief introduction.

In the beginning, God created light and some other junk.  Sometime later, in what I estimate was around day 24, God created music.  Shortly afterwards, the internet was born.  Now (here in the future) all human brain activity exists entangled within these interwebs, somewhere between checking their emails and untagging unattractive pictures of themselves on facebook.  In this bleak and desolate future, music nerds/bloggers and established music reviewers alike meet online to fight to the death over who can flame the newest music first… that is, fight to the death until they die.

Now you’re all caught up.  So where does my music blog and myself fit in?  Grab a tasty bag of popcorn, my new friend, as I answer several topical questions below that I’m pretending someone else is asking me.

more…